Have you ever fallen in love so quickly - so completely, that you couldn’t even breathe? Did you ever shake your head in disbelief and think – how did all this happen so fast? – and am I doing the right thing, or am I being a silly fool? And you ask yourself the question – can I commit? Should I commit? Well, I guess we have two choices: deny those feelings and walk away (if you don’t open your heart you can never get hurt), and that might be the easy thing to do. Or we can decide to take a chance, take a risk and jump in. What’s the worst that can happen? You get hurt, your heart breaks a little – but the best is that you might fall deeply and completely in love. And that, I think, is always worth the risk.
Yesterday I walked in the front door of my newest project house and thought – oh my – I am afraid of what I am about to undertake. This house, that first caused my heart to do flips, is now giving me second thoughts. Do I stay – do I bolt? What if I have taken on too much? What if I can’t do this? Sometimes I think I am in over my head and that, once again, I have rushed into something without considering the consequences. What is the worst that can happen? I push the negative thoughts aside and think of only positive outcomes. Deep breaths…I can do this – and this is what I do well – but my ADHD brain wants to do everything at once – and I have to battle with those demons to stay focused. One room at a time, blondie. This is what I always wanted to do. I have to say to myself: “Calm down!” I talk to myself all the time – and answer, too.
Enough talk. Time to start work. The house hasn’t been painted in 30 years, and the aroma of a past resident cat (or two) lingers throughout the first and second floors. The kitchen and baths need remodeling, the yard has been neglected, the interior gutter system is in need of repairs, and the list goes on…But beyond that there is a majestic home with high ceilings and massive wood trim. I can imagine the house finished – color schemes are already worked out, and the work that I plan to do will hopefully pay homage to past owners. I still feel butterflies about the undertaking, but I know that in time, this home, this labor of love, will certainly be something special.
I have decided to start with the master bedroom. The first order of business was to put on some music. The stereo system was the first thing I hauled to the new house. Next, I spread out the drop cloth and set up the ladder and got ready to spackle. The plaster seems to be in pretty good condition, with nothing more than some hairline cracks and a couple of settlement cracks near corners and windows. Nothing I can’t handle. I hate prep work – my first impulse is to paint right over those cracks – cram them with so much paint that they will eventually fill in – but I try to be methodical, and correct, in my approach. I set up my worklights and look for outlets. None of the outlets in the bedroom are working! I try the wall switches thinking they control the outlets – nope. I try some hall outlets – no again. Then I stomp down to the basement to check for tripped switches – nadda. I return to the bedroom and finally try a switch in the dressing room. I can feel the frustration bubbling up inside me and have to breathe and “let it go”. Let there be light – and there was light!!! Mental note to further research the cause of the failed outlets.
I climb the ladder and do some spackle work and finally start in with edging the ceiling. I have chosen a soft cream color – specifically “linen white” – and start cutting in. Tomorrow I should be able to roll most of the ceiling, and then start on the cut in work for the walls. The paint for the walls is a pale blue-green, reminiscent of sea glass, or the color you find on nautical charts. It is also the same color of a room in Laurel Hill, a historic home in Fairmount Park. The specific room, named the octagonal room – for obvious reasons – was built in 1837, and reflects the muted colors popular at the time. I have selected the color because it is the same color in a nautical map of one of my favorite places – Block Island. This antique map will be the focal point of the room.
I need to get into a rhythm. I don’t want to work so quickly that I get frustrated – my warp speed brain wants to finish the entire house – by yesterday. The practical, logical part of me, says – three years. Somewhere there is a happy compromise. Again self-doubt creeps in and I have to have a chat with myself. I have done this so many times before and always with successful outcomes. Perhaps I doubt myself because that is what drives me to aim for perfection – I am OK with that. I want to get two rooms done in the next few weeks. The dining room will be my next undertaking, but for now – the saga of the master bedroom continues.
One step at a time. One room at a time. I’m in over my head and that is OK.
